I haven't posted much on here because I find it tedious... but here it goes. Today I am missing my Sir Lancerlot but I know he is in a much better place for him. I know he is preparing a place for his family to join him. He is not in pain from the cancer that accelerated in November 2011. Jeff was so brave and tried so hard! In January we realized that the cancer was not responding to any of the Med's. He said; "Nancy, I don't think I can do this anymore!", I said; "only you know your pain, only you know what you feel like. I will support you how ever I can." In a rehab center there was a quote that said; "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak... sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go...... When I came one evening to be with him he said; "Nancy I want you to read that quote, Really read it"... He asked me if I did and I said yes... I knew then that He had done all he could. His numbers kept rising and it was so frustrating! On January 19th I saw him slipping quickly, and the kids came to be with their Dad, then Friday on the 20th while Collette was there he said for her to get her phone. He said he wanted to call her brothers and sisters and his Mom, Lois. Jeff made the calls and talked to them all and told them he loved them. When he was done he said; "Husbands love your wives, Husbands take care of your wives". He also said the most important thing is life is the Gospel and the Family. My Sir Lancerlot had one foot in this life and one foot in the other. He didn't want to go but his body was telling him otherwise. When Mark and Adam were there Mark told him not to worry that we would take care of your Queen :}.. that was so tender for me to hear! He wanted me to be okay, and I told him not to worry, I would be okay and that we can still be missionary's. He will be on the other side of the veil, and I here but we can still work as a team. That has happened so many times...but I miss him being next to me holding my hand. He had such big hands and they made me feel so safe. Saturday I could see he was in so much pain and I decided to get him out of the hospital and take him to hospice. They signed us up and there was a bed right there in Scottsdale! It was a quaint little place and so perfect for him. I knew the round the clock nurse would know how to help Jeff and he was in safe hands. Adam told me to go get some sleep and he would stay and help take care of Dad. He said he learned so much from the male nurse and was happy Dad was there. At 8:30 AM he took his final breath and Adam tex'd us all to let us know. Marilyn and I went ASAP and the children filtered in by noon. We were so happy he wasn't in pain anymore.... but now I would have to deal with being alone. I am so grateful for the Gospel.. and for earning my Music Therapy Degree. I pray that it can sustain me so I can heal while blessing the lives of the children. It has helped me so far and I have felt him helping me find things and support me. I am grateful for 41 1/2 years and look forward to our Eternal time.